Here is a new chapter!!! Sisterhood!

https://www.facebook.com/tracy.o.levine/posts/10208781582149320

7 years surviving and thriving

So much is happened. Great things. Met great people. Made wonderful friends. Lifetime friend.  My kids are in college  now. I have three great jobs. Most importantly......

My health.

If your just starting your journey through breast cancer, barrel through and live!

2011 welcome

ultrasound, small fibroid.......biopsy NORMAL, thank you. Tamoxifen starts.

period after Chemo.......

just when you think your gonna be normal...
something zaps you.
2 years post surgery ...
Chemo done in Feb. 09
no period since Jam 09 from the chemo...
Now I have it again. not real normal as far as a normal period...
The doctors want a pelvic Ultrasound
but don't really think its an issue. I know there is a 50/50 chance something else is wrong. BUt It will be handled when I know I need to do something.
Until then.....in case you were wondering or going through the same thing, a huge percentage of pre menopausal women have ovaries that kick back in.
I don't think the doctor wants them to because of the estrogen. If it is nothing, I will get another medication to stop the ovaries from working.
anyway its a holiday weekend so no Ultrasound til next week.
I will let you know whats up as soon as I know.

one more clear year.i know you want to see my hair

All is clear in the mammogram, ultrasound this time. I am forgetful with the tamoxifen. It makes me a bit grumpy. It scares me to take it,....it scares me not to. .....fear is now a way of life. I live each day as if it is a blessing. Dont be afraid of trying anything new or again. Life is Good.

Thrash is the wake left behind when you’re moving forward to a goal.

Thrash forces you outside your comfort zone, it makes you stretch, it keeps you moving.

knowles Snapper Creek ANimal CLinic Day Staff

Knowles Snapper Creek Emergency staff

Watch out

i am well

I am well and had another clear set of exams...I keep forgetting to take Tomoxifen. I know it is important and it makes me miserable but the alternative is not acceptable.......I am happy most of the time but I still think in the back of my head that this could all recur and that would suck for everyone. I am taking care of myself and working out. I am back to a normal weight but not optimal.
there is nothing I am afraid to of now except getting cancer again. So I fight like hell and do the right things. Exercise, eat well, drink green tea...organic foods....
I speak sweeter.....I want to love deeper..but I dont want to hurt anyone..I am trying anything that crosses my path....I jumped off a bridge because I could.....I ran a marathon because I can. I make new friends everyday...I help anyone I can....and I have learned to say no when it suits me. I work long hours and I leave early.....I go on trips anywhere......even when I had no hair.......I want to see Paris........I want to have Paris.....and Austraila and anywhere warm........

Mammogram and ultrasound are clear

Mammogram and ultrasound are clear today. Can I take the day off? I am so relieved for the quarter.

FWD:

Tird likes dissarono

HALICONIAS too

Haliconias too

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A Vanda has arrived

A Vanda has Arrived

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Surgical recheck was A-OK

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3 days back to work

3 days back to work and I couldnt be Happier unless I hit the powerball.

Brett s new job

Brett is on the pit crew

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Headed to Ft Myers watciin

Headed to Ft Myers watciin the Sunrise dance across th Everglades and wake the seridence of the tall green marsh

Happy Birthday Kyle

a 12 bday party is never the norm at our house.

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Hi Mom & Dad . i am having a blast tearing toys up and wrestling with my dawg boy homee G s. love u. Kiko

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If only there was smellputer

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Brett has Golf Fever

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Thats my Friend Jeanettes pregnant belly being kicked by a carmel frappacino buzzed baby. S0 cute

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Sarasota Volleyball with Tyler Asa and Mike waS BEAUTIFUL

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last 8 radiations are less intense....

This is one of the last 8 treatments I am done on Monday, the 18th, 2009. Then I see the Dr. and get a mammogram and the ok to go to work and I move on.....

I am focusing on going back to work. I went in yesterday and spent the day there. It was sooo good to see everyone. I got so many true hugs, I am touched. These are some more of my guarding Angels and they want me back soon. Yea. That means so much.

I am thankful

Happy Motherr s Day. we are blessed to have and Be Mothers.

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Boy is Curtis gonna be mad. The whole story of Raggae week is coming next. it turned into a hilarious chapter. wait til you read this.

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The Fire dept is at my house if you drive by and see it but I am fine. a powerline went down and caught the neighbors yard on fire

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orlando Volleyball

I took Tyler to Orlando for the final vb tournament. Her team did well. Thet got the Gold and went on to the semi finals and placed third. Out of 44 teams. Wow. They play a lot of games Sat and Sun. We went to City Walk Sat. night and after the Sunday games we had time to go to the outlet mall and use the gift cards we had from Christmas. Thats were I snapped the shot below on my phone.

I think they partied too hard at Universal. I have no idea who they were but i couldnt pass up the shot

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Its still a Frightening Road

Every ache, Every pain, every non normal tick......makes you wonder...my body is still out of wack...I wonder if I am gonna be here ....I get scared and want my life back. I used to plan the future..now I plan the future and pray that I am still gonna be a part of it.

I will fight anything else I am faced with but carefree is gone....A worry is always in the back of my head....when I pay for Tyler's Volleyball for the summer...When I ask about the kids future plans..........when I think about losing the weight from chemo.....

..I want the chance to be me again....fear of the unknown sucks.......I know that no one has a guarantee but if I had this once....will it come back? is it somewhere else?...aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.

I try to be my bubbly self..but inside I am on fire......sometimes....not always....

I will just try too take the best care I can.....of myself. exercise, healthy diet, stress relief.......

Radiation is 4 more weeks.....My White count is up and down and some days I feel great and some I feel poopie...lethargic and drab. so I sit down and try to take it easy and then ...everyone wonders why the floor isn't mopped...or why Mom isn't doing the dishes....the clothes...the floor,,,,,the patio....the grass...the pool.....the fryer........the blah blah blah...well its not always gonna get done...........the kids know it and help out...thank you kids especially Tyler. She is very cool. I am naive..NOT.

what it is

Radiation therapy involves delivering radiation to the breast to destroy cancer cells. Radiation therapy works within cancer cells to make them unable to multiply. When these cells die, the body naturally eliminates them. Healthy tissue is able to repair itself in a way cancer cells cannot.

second time XXX

No Beams YET. This is the second stage of the set up.

Don't be a chicken

during Radiation...stay out of the sun...with exposed BReast...ok I can do that...and don't be a chicken...OK I can try that...

Meet the Nurse or Radiation Tech

OK Roger has like perfect eyebrows...I have eyebrow envy...I call him Roger Rabbit.
I think I love him.....
He is smart and warm and teaches me my KEYWORDS!
Thank you Roger Rabbit



Roger Seeks and Destroys Any an all cancer cells that Get in his path...Get em Roger...Get em

Denise the exotic dancer, with the dark hair, was the first person I met at Baptist Radiation Oncology. She took me through everything they would do and explained in detail what was going on. She has a huge bright smile to match her professional personality. She makes me feel comfortable and that she is in control. I think I love her too.

Blondie Brows is Chariss and if she wasn't one of my main techs, I would have asked for her to be. I see her as a woman that takes her job serious and mistakes are not permissible.....but she can take a prank as well anyone....and return one in an instant...

I bet I love her as well.

These are the Nurses at the "Station".....why do they call it that...are they waiting for a train?

Yanexis the Vampire is the Transylvania. He parents are Counts and she draws blood with great sex appeal.

Martha and Roxana are the Dr. Phils of radiation...you need to talk? go by the station....you looking for a lost spouse? go by the station...You want the Doctor?... go by the station. You need a Drink?....Go by the station and pick them up and go to happy hour.

I love the man that lost his wife in the building.

Radiation is no big deal.....except for getting there on time everyday, the noise the machine makes and the lights that flash in your face....if you are a clubber you'll like it....yea uh Maybe NOT.

I have gone 4 times this week. First two days I met everyone and had some more x-rays done. So more people got to see me half naked...I am growing fond of exposing myself to strangers.....that's gonna be a problem later in life....Then twice I have actually received the radiation with x rays. The Xrays are to prepare the machine to put the beams in the exact same CORRECT place each time I get it..I don't know how they know where to put the beam unless they see the scar tissue in the Xray. The ribs that show up in the Xrays place the beam in the correct place as well. missing the lung is vital for the health of lung tissue.

A marker is placed on the area that abdominal area to measure the breathing pattern. A laser measures the patter and only delivers the radiation beam when I exhale as to miss the inflated lung tissue. It is very hard to control the breathing during the treatments. Taking the Yoga Classes helps you control the breathing and the panic the machine can create mentally.

There is no feeling during the treatment. You only know whats happening because of the noises. It actually may be that I know what the machine is doing because of my knowledge of the equipment. Unless you are in the medical Field, you might not even realize whats the machines are doing. That, in my opinion, would be better than knowing. To me, the anticipation of the

knowing when the beam is coming, makes breathing regular a bit of a challenge.

Anyway, I feel like I am all over the place in this description of whats happening and in my head, that is how it is being processed. Maybe the photos will be more of an organized story..

I don't see any marks on my skin, and I feel nothing in the area they are zapping. For now. I am using aloe religiously and as often as I can stick my hand down my shirt and not offend any one. I may stop the not offending anyone though as time goes by. Haha No radiation on weekends....just happy hours...

This is my rendition of the radiation process and my understanding of what the treatment is doing. If you are or know someone who is having it, it will be different but basically the same. If my statements are wrong or need to be corrected, I hope you let me know. I would hate to have the wrong info on here and in my head.

Radiation at Baptist

This is the xray machine. It will take a series of films next time I go and will tell the Dr. exactly where the beams will go.This is the actual machine that delivers the beams of Radiation to the tattooed areas.

They are really nice at the Radiation Onc. I will have the same tech every time and for the simulator and set up Denise will be my tech. Irene runs the machine and They all said I could take a picture with them. Super cool. Then the Dr. came in to make sure the markings were correct. I don't want his picture...he ha the same hair as me....AAAH

This is the view I saw today from inside the Scanner looking out. Too bad you can't hear it.

Radiation

simulator scanner

mold to hold you still

Radiation will be three parts. Today I had the simulator. I was fitted with a mold so that when I go to get the radiation, I get it in the same area each time. So i lay on a pad, then they suck out the air out of it and it fits around me like a glove. My arms are above my head and my wrists are interlocked. Then they run the cat scanner over me for about 5 mins. They marked the area to irradiated and ran some more scans and then tattooed the 3 areas that will get the cross beam.

I listened to the CD Maryanne made for me and it was relaxing. birds and water, A few of my favorite things.

You don't lose hair or tissue structure. nothing will look different except for the color of my skin will change for a while but will eventually go back to the normal color. The machine are big and noisy but take just a few minutes. you might feel more fatigue. and your white count will drop.

Karen the Volunteer Doral Ticket agent..Thanks

OK here is the great story...

My son Brett, the 14 year old plays golf. He is on the team at Palmetto middle. So I arranged for him to volunteer at the Doral this past weekend. He was a Standard Bearer, he carried the scoreboard around, for Watney and Kim and 2 other pros on Thursday and Friday. Then he missed Sat. But Sunday, I took him to actually watch theem play golf. He was alone and I was feeling so guilty about leaving him but I really had no choice. Students get in for 10 dollars. My ticket would have been 50. So I drove away feeling sick. I drove away feeling so bad I called and asked my mom to charge me a ticket and I would pay her when I could. She called the ticket agent who made her call another number at the Doral office. I was on my cell phone and she called from her house phone. She called the second number and no one answered. She went online and tried to purchase a ticket there but she couldn't figure out how to get an account. so I told her to just try the second phone number one more time. She called again and I heard her telling the person who answered the phone that she wanted to purchase a ticket for her daughter. She went through the whole story about how Brett was a volunteer standard Bearer for the tournament and that I wanted to be there to take him around the course and watch today. SHe went on to tell her that I didn't have a way to buy a ticket so she was going to do it for me and that I would pick it up at will call. The lady on the phone thought that was so nice of my Mom that she offered to take a ticket down to will call herself at no charge. She had one for Sunday but was working. My Mom got all excited and in an appreciative way, told the agent how incredible that was for her to do. Then I heard my Mom cover the phone I was on, I could hear her talking to the lady the words were muffled. I am sure she was telling her I just finished chemo and that I was a mess right now. When my Mother came back to the phone I was on, she told me " your not going to believe this, the agent on the phone's name is Karen and she is a 15 year Breast Cancer Survivor. Well I started laughing and sobbing at the same time. Mom told this lady Karen I was crying and how thankful I was for her sharing that information with us and for the ticket she was giving us. Talk about being on the right phone at the right time. I went and picked up the ticket and found Brett. We had such a fantastic time. We saw all the golf pros and got tons of signatures. I really wanted Camillo Villegas, aka Spider Man to sign my visor...He is adorably yummy, but the crowd was so pushy. Tiger was there too but not so nice. I think he was a bit aggravated at himself. Mickelson won in case you didn't watch and Watney came in 2nd. Brett has a ball signed by him and he was quite nice. When we left, we went through the Doral hotel walkway to get to the car and guess who we bumped into....Camillo. Almost crashed into him and guess what he signed...MY VISOR....I did my crazy happy dance. HE didn't see me....but another man did. He knew what I was dancing about and just laughed. What a great day. There are so many Angel all around. Thanks Brett.

I took a break

I am sorry for the silence......I wanted to forget this whole thing happened..Now I know I can't.
I will be reminded every look in the mirror. I just have to deal with it.
I have another great story of one of those ANGELS. I will get to it.
I must first say, feeling better is taking longer than I thought. I am so tired alll the time. It isn't painful, just frustrating. Keepng up with everything is trying. Getting to appointments, making appoinments. Time passes and then its time again. So I start radiation Tuesday. The process anyway. They do a scan first....that's frightening....then make a mold and tattoo the spot...OK Mom said No Tats but hhhhhhhmmmmm when did I ever listen. always mom, Always.
Then the radiation is once a day for 5 days then 2 days off for 6 and half weeks. Why? IT was explained to me that the beam they shoot is to zap any cells that may still be in the area that the bad seed was removed from. So the beam will be around the area the tiny mass was removed from. sometimes its makes a mark on your skin sometimes it does nothing. Like a sunburn everyday. I saw some bad reactions and then i saw some patients with no mark at all. I won't know but I will keep aloe on the area at all times and see if I can prevent being being the one in 1000 that has a bad time. Most of the women who have done this say its a piece of cake...just some fatigue...great more fatigue......and a small mark towards the end....that goes away...NO more topless sunbathing.....shoot......and No amino Acids......what ever that does. I will have to get a little Reconstruction after...I will have a dent yuck........reconstruction........that means surgery............yuck.............uhmmmmmmmm yea yuck.....cross that bridge when I hit 40.
anyway....Oh I have an inch of hair... how about that....OK maybe not quit an inch but close....I have to go to the grocery store...hungry kids are coming home from school soon. I will tell you the Doral Golf tournament story when you come back....

My hair is falling out for the last time. Volleyball weekend

That's my Girl...

Monday is better...I am losing my hair for the last time. Some are growing back. My youngest told me and my Mom that he dreamed about me and my hair came back more beautiful than ever..He is so sincere. I know they want things back to normal..I am trying and almost feel well enough to make it happen. I can do almost everything. I am sure my white count is gonna go up any minute now. I am going to ask Faby for a deep tissue massage so I can really get the toxins out.

Hey I have not itched one time today.....I just realized that.

I went to a shamanic thing Friday. I had my chakras cleared out. My creative channel was blocked and I had some part of me asleep a long time and its just starting to wake up. She told me I was surrounded by all these frigging angels....hundreds of them....She is a Dr. of something I have to look up, but she was a professional lady and those were her exact words..I had to laugh..then I realized you all are those Angels I am surrounded by. All the prayers...All the Energy, all the Angels. I had my Feet done too thanks to a great friend.....that was the best part of my week.

I took Tyler to a all day tournament Sunday. I itched most of the time and then decided I need a benadryl. I had none....I took a atarax, similar to benadryl but I got real tired. well I wonder if it worked so well it stopped all the histamines? I hope so. I think I was itchy waiting for Dave to show up...he never did. His loss...Tyler played like Dynamite....great blocks and brilliant serves..even got a few pokes in on the money...

DO I have to shave my head to get the hair to grow back properly? Anyone been here done this?

I love my kids you know!

Thursday the Great

You are important

You make a difference

You are a light

and to someone.....

You are the reason.....they can go on....

they can do this...

they can..........

I don't like to talk about myself all the time.

I wrote this so you could be close to me

even if you can't.

And I did it for your friend...or your friend's friend...Your Aunt or your cousin......for the "ME"'s who gets the call from a pathologist...

In a perfect world I would never have to help anyone through this... there would be no Cancer.

But I can and I will be the one to say..."twenty ....thiry...fourty......years ago.....This is how I got through and you can too.

So That's why I write here and that's why I am glad you come by and read...[I know there are more than 8 of you that pass by (as the "Followers")] and look at the pictures...even the ones that were hard to face.......My cousin, who is on the opposite side of the country in Seattle has been here. My other cousin reads here too from Indiana......I love seeing their comments or even just seeing their nickname. One of them challenged me to see if I could figure out it was her...I did in about a nanosecond...

I slept a really long time today so I had energy to get out of the house.

I felt a sense of urgency yesterday to go to the ocean. I always feel better at the beach. Maybe it's the secondhand SMOKE that blows by from behind the pier but mostly it's the water, something about the water...it always heals, cleanses, comforts. BUT today, today the water relaxed and cleansed not only because of the clean salt and minerals but because it was So Frigging cold that there is no toxin great or small, that could withstand the frigid washing of the turquoise wonderland. The only thing really missing was an iceberg. OK I am a Miami girl and I am a sun person, warmth is endearing to me. But I needed the salt water in an urgent kinda way....so In I went....Once I got in it was tolerable....but it took a few minutes to inch in. ...and the noise you make when the waves hit your bare skin, it like a ...well the noise that come out of your mouth is a laugh and a pain all mixed in one with a dash of 'OH that Felt Good'. When your all by yourself....,Tyler was up on the warm sand (the apple doesn't fall far)....and those noises spontaneously and uncontrollably come out of your mouth, the German tourists move a little farther down to get in the water. HA ha.

The only real odd thing that happened there was the idiot who got so excited to see his first set of titties on a topless brazilian that he had to stop and take a pictures but he wasn't man enough to just take a picture.. he had to pretend to be photographing the "landscape" and then quick cop a shot when no one was looking. LOser. Geezzzzzz. OK the Brazilian girls looked as hot as the water was cold...but for real ...had he never seen a set of good implants before today...? LOL I got his picture talking their picture...you gotta love that.

Coffee and a Hug

Miami Metro Zoo Amazon exhibit Hummingbird

Ok I promised a story SO ... Here it is......

I went to Publix at 7:15am., because its hard to sleep longer than 11 hours so I got up. I sat in the parking lot with a sour feeling in my stomach and decided I needed to go home for a minute....I am not in a good mood because I feel like crap......I am nauseous...I look like crap......trust me I do........So I go home and get a shower and get dressed again...everyone is asleep or not home. I want to make breakfast for the boys so I go back to publix to get the bacon...and eggs more eggs, I am sure there is not enough.....and OJ cuz I forgot it last time....and what else.....you get the point?....My brain is on the blink....I am grumpy still.....
But I go in and get the stuff. It takes me close to an hour to get 10 items. By the time I get home, Brett is awake and whatever, he ate. No one ever cooks breakfast and for some reason out of the blue, someone else makes it.....must have been malnutrition. So I put the groceries away and pissed off I go to get a coffee.
It's Monday and most people have the day off. so its still too early for a crowd but there are a few folks sitting at the sidewalk tables among the tiny birds begging for a crumb or two. I notice 2 gentlemen sitting discussing business over coffee, one obviously has the day off, the other is casually going in. I stroll past and go in the door to order. The TV is on and they are talking about the wonderful people that we lost in the resent plane crash over Buffalo.
Crew members:
— Capt. Marvin Renslow, pilot, of Lutz, Fla.
— Rebecca Shaw, first officer, of Maple Valley, Wash.
— Matilda Quintero, flight attendant, of Woodbridge, N.J.
— Donna Prisco, flight attendant.
— Capt. Joseph Zuffoletto, off-duty crew member, of Newark, N.J., and Jamestown, N.Y.
———
Passengers:
— Mary Abraham, of West Seneca, N.Y. Trained people to use medical equipment made by Invacare Corp.
— David Borner, of Pendleton, N.Y. Worked for Kraft Foods.
— Linda Davidson, of Westfield, N.Y., nurse at Westfield Memorial Hospital and Ronald Davidson's wife.
— Ronald Davidson, of Westfield, N.Y. Worked at an adult group home and was Linda Davidson's husband.
— Alison Des Forges, of Buffalo, one of the world's leading experts on the genocide in Rwanda.
— Beverly Eckert, of Stamford, Conn., whose husband died in the World Trade Center attacks of Sept. 11, 2001.
— John Fiore, of Grand Island, N.Y., recently retired from the Air Force.
— Ron Gonzalez, of New Brunswick, N.J., director of a youth services program.
— Brad S. Green Sr., of East Amherst, N.Y., salesman for Kraft Foods.
It made me sad to think of these people just GONE.
They all impacted someones life in some way and now they are gone...who knows what kind of information Alison took with her and no one will ever know. What will happen to her research now. Will anyone find out whats really going on there? And now who will make sure the scholarships get to the right persons. Where is the money kept. Did she have a second signature on the account...all these thoughts are running a muck in my head....I hear someone say something to me but I am starring at the TV.....fine how are you I reply without even making eye contact...that's a reflex reaction huh! I catch my insincere reply and make eye contact with the guy from the table out front who is looking very caringly, directly at me. He said he was fine..then Looked me straight in the eye and said "But Really, HOW are YOU DOING? I caught up to him now in thought and said "OH...Oh I am great and getting better everyday...Thanks" His reply was "That is what matters the most, I did it for a year and I know its not easy but its....."I interrupted....."its DONE". He said "great to hear, I am done too, they gave me 4 months to live and that was Ten Years Ago" . "OMG That's great" I said as tears filled my dry bloodshot eyes. "Can I hug you" I asked as emotions took over my grumpy butt mood and turned it into a uncontrollable Smile. "Yes you may" he replied..as he held out his arms. GEEZZ I am hugging a stranger which never would have made sense 6 months prior but today there was not even a thought of hesitation. He knows what he did for me today was the greatest gift he could have given anyone. Its just an obligation and at any given moment we can impact someone the same way if we knew what was going on in their life...Its just obvious what with my bald round face and all that he knew he could connect. I backed up and gave him his space but I was still all in his zone with my radiating perm-a-grin....he was so sweet, he knew I was teary eyed but in a good way but he wanted to make it light..so he told me his Wife still thinks he is a pain in the ass...to which I replied.."she should be glad she has a pain in the ass still...." We both laughed and he got his coffee and ran out to work. I sat down and fed the birds.

the week of the last chemo

This week was not too bad but I couldn't write...My Birthday and Valentines day were sleepy......Tyler was out of town...My mom and Dad are sick with the cold going around and I couldn't see them...Rick was out of Town and I slept a lot..Brett and I watched every Movie Chris and Jeannette have in their collection ...and that is a lot......

I did go grocery shopping but a little each day....Insurance companies....supplemental........are so full of paper work it makes you want to give up.........I have worked so hard to get them all the forms and bills and Doctors info and they blow me off and want one more form.....so they don;t have to pay I guess........I am sick about it and fed up and BROKE and can't even get another prescription filled unless I give up a dinner or two so forget it....I can live with the sore throat.....gotta feed the kids.......

I get grumpy this week remember...

then I get ugly......I mean ugly looking......everything swells and I look like I am filled with helium...too bad I can't float.....my skin looks like like I don't know...I feel like a zombie....in the zone ozone.

I got a great story AGAIN...but I will type it when I have energy and a better attitude because it is a Great story .....of a stranger..........not a weird one in Kmart..........but just as good a story non-the-less.........

tuesday at Sylvester

we done