Tuesday

Here's the scoop for the treatment in case you are in need of knowledge.
I will show you visuals when I am able. They are the fun part but take work.
WE started and hour late so I was home at 3. From 7am. My blood work is normal but there are changes from last ime. My cholesterol is actually down but never is normal. Nothing else is abnormal but I see elevations in (but all still Within normal levels WNL) my triglycerides which went from 55 to 99. I stopped taking Omega 3 6 9 as instructed.
healthy cholesterol went to low range 45 from in range 74 which is bad but probably dietary. adding eggs and cheese which I usually steer clear of.
bad cholesterol went form 206 to 173 which are both out of range but down is good.
the ratio went from WNL of 3.9 to 5,2 which is .2 out of range. I can work on this with more excerise since all I do is yoga and stopped the cardio because I have no energy.
Skip this part if it it makes no sense. It is mostly You guys at work who understand what they are.
My BUN (Kidney Function) is 13 from 8 but is still WNL as are all of the following: NL up to 25
Cr is 0.7 from 0.68
calcium is 8.8 from 9.4
Kt is 4.3 from 4.6
albumin same
total Bili went from 0.6 to 0.3
Alk Phos went to 66 from 39 NL up 115
AST stayed the same
ALT went up to 24 from 15 Nl up to 40
So no Alcohol for me on new years. or the rest of the treatment I think. Haven't had any so far.
My CBC is interesting
WBC count went from 7.6 to 10.4 thanks to the Neulasta. NL to 10.0
RBC is the same
RDW SOmeone please remind me what that is...went from 14.5 to 15.6 which is high by .6%
Differential changes are signifigant but Basicall WNL with the exception of my
Absolute Eosinophil count which went from 76 to 10 which is low. What does that mean?
Absolute Neutrophil went from 4712 up to 7457 but is WNL
Platlets went from 310 to 143 also WNL by 40. Any ideas how to elevate them naturally?
Nothing else is changed so I didn't mention them.


They started with the usual Atavan, Dex. iv and oral. I was supposed to take one in the morning but they told me last time not to because I would get 10mg. IV. I was supposed to take the zantac as well. SO they gave me one tab and a bag iv. Go figure. Then I took EMend Orally. then they started the Taxotere and bam.....I had a creepy reaction. I let the nurse know I felt WEird. The Nurse was right there and stopped the IV immediately and call the Nurse Practitioner. They gave me 25 mg Benedryl over 30 mins. IV and waited 20 min. Started the Taxotere again over a two hour drip as opposed to and hour and I was fine. then Flush. Then the cytoxin. I fell asleep from the the benadryl, opposite of what I thought would happen. IT usually wigs me out I thought. But I never take it so go figure.
I had to stay awake for the Tax to make sure it didn't happen again. It felt like circulating heat from my pelvis and rolled up my abdomen towards my chest. That's when I spoke up and she stopped it. The heat was similar to the way the iodine feels during a CT scan but didn't stop until she cut it off. It was scary but they talked me through it breathing and relaxing so as not to panic which would be detrimental. I relaxed and they assured me I was in good hands. SO calm settled and the restart offered no similar symptoms at all. Next time I will have to have benadryl and it will take 2 hours instead of 1 but that just gives time for another movie that I fall asleep to. Kara and The future Mrs. Williams handled it perfect. they watched my eyes kept calm so I would. I appreciated all of the visitors today and need them there.
My hair is not falling out today. There is not much there to go. I like the way it sticks out the bottom of the hats but is awful when I forget to wear a cover in the house. Kids say AHHHH. I go put one on. I will guess it will all go in 12 more days. like last time. I think if it falls out fast that means it must grow fast and that is soemthing totally look forward to. Make up is great and so important to feel confident. It takes away from the shock. But it really has to a lot more dramatic than I am used to but I like to keep it natural colors or I look like..... oh I dont' know.... you fill in a word.
I went to sleep when I got home today and felt like crap when I woke up. I took a excedrin Tention, the one with out asprin. I am writing this so I remember next time too. I am dizzy again which did happen last time so I am ok with that.
My mouth is starting the mental taste again and the key lime pie Rick made yesterday tastes like plastic today. Sure glad I got a slice last night. I am gonna go now and see if I can sleep away this ocean motion. No nausea thank you God.

Monday night before The 2nd treatment

Kara will take me this time. MaryAnne is cming too. We will watch comedy movies and take pictures. I hope I can function after the cocktail.

She is my Brothers wife but I think of her as a true sister.

I love this shot. Everglades are so peaceful and reaal.

Tina Loves Daisies so I see her smile in each petal in each pinnea and in each long stem are her sexy long legs.

I am ready for tomorrow. Or this morning. The dex makes it impossible to sleep. I should be snowboarding. or surfing or cleaning the closet. or dancing. or hmmmm

I got pictures of the everglades and the ugliest dawg I have ever owned Ford. Ilove my Nikon and I am feeling inspired. By you. All you say to me all you do for me. It is amazing what you find in the hearts of the real people in your life. Some make it all about them...how'd they do that?.....SOme abandon you, some stay quiet but are always by your side. Some come out of the woodwork and show you they really have and will always care. I am BLESSED and will be thankful for every person that sticks this out with me. OK enough BLaH Blah BLah. who taught the english bull dog to stick out his tongue?

Sunday sunday sunday

Well Randy pulled somebodies strings and I am evidently getting my camera...I am doing the happy dance and Kyle is cracking up at my lack of talent and my watery eyes. OH he already laughed at my sexxxy old lady hair. (lack Of). My mom says Randy is an angel... one of those quiet ones you need to have. WOW I am blessed. Thank you Randy for knowing everyone is Miami. You really should run for Mayor!
I am ready for the Tuesday treatment because it means (as Kara pointed out) I will be 50% done with treatments. Wow that sounds good. I will take pictures this time and let you see what it is. My daughter wants to know "so what actually do they do to you" I guess everyone might think that so I will take pictures until they tell me to stop. In wonder if anyone else will let me photograph them. I will sneak around until I am too impaired to walk.
I am scared because I do not know if I will have the same side effects ad last time. If I do, I can handle this.....I am anxious but not panicking. I am going to bed.
I really do have wonderful friends.

I tell my story better with photographs. Well maybe not better but I am more comfortable telling some things by photo instead of words. Oh and my camera is being held hostage at Pitman until I can pay for the repair. I have other dinky cameras I am using but it doesn't look as good. So don't think I have lost my talent. It is just until I get work. SO if you know anyone who needs a hairless helper, I am available. I just can't get pit or scratched. I can Dog sit. I love having a house full of puppies.
Why else,,, I got a new hat and a couple scarves for Christmas. I also got some from a gf that just finished her treatments. She is very special and sent them to me even though I have never even met her. How incredible is she? I think it is like a club you have no choice of joining. You can make it what it is and it can be rewarding if you share your experience. It makes the scary things a bit less horrific. The things they already have been through...you now get to experience....and get through because of them and family and all your supporting friends. even the ones that just read your blog.
in case you didn't figure it out, if you click on the arrow in the pictures, the video plays. Patti let me borrow this cool little video thing. I think its called a flip. it is fun and easy. I don't think she expected me to keep it so long but she knows where to steal it back...She's a hoot
I am looking forward to Tuesday in an anxious neurotic kinda way. The same way I am looking forward to my hair completely falling out and growing back. Its a burning feeling in the pit of your abdomen and your head is on fire and your brain won't shut off. No amount of yoga will fix, stop, or extract this craziness in your head so you take a sleeping pill do more yoga, run two more miles, and mop every inch of your house. Oh did I mention the Shed. You rearrange it, consolidate the Christmas boxes and organize it beyond recognition. I think I will go the keys in the morning. no choice but to relax there. I can't/don't drink anything right now so that might not be the best idea. got three messy closets.....it's a toss up.
Don't forget to send work my way. I need my camera back. I can walk dogs too. I am happy and healthy and feel good today in case you couldn't tell. Just the anxiety. They make a pill for that you know!

how about 80's HAIR

we are gonna take a vote.....What hair or hat is better........?

I will post more and you tell me how stupid I look in each wig..../ Hat/ Scarf.....barff......Then we will go for the VOTE.

Oh that me and Bucky and Shadow....in the 80's

lack of rythmn Thursday video

Not a talented soul in the house...welll maybe my Mom.

Merry CHristmas to all

The one to the right is adopted from a homeless shelter on the beach... WE must return him due to Rabies........................Just kidding this is Asa Tyler's BF. HE really is nice and has manners. I think he left them on the bus this day.





Kisses to all

and thank you for all the warm wishes.

All your prayers are in a box around my neck.

Wednesday

Laugh it OFF! I am So NOT sexy! NOT PRetty , NOT me BUt I am still happy.

the cut 2

Tuesday I feel Great except for the HAIR.

Lory

Yet she is still more beautiful than ever.

-Tyler

Aw thanks Tyler my daughter my love, my life...

The Cut of the future.

....Look beyond next time you see me and tell someone they are beautiful when you know they are having a hard time. I don't mean me!

it started SUnday

Saturday

OK I caught up to Friday and Sat.

OK OK OK so I have been blogging all night. I was asked to catch up by Lynnie and when Lynnie say hey get with the program...you listen. I love her. I need her. not that way........

I, after YOGA, went back to sleep. I am trying to catch up on laundry and waiting for the shopping money so I can split it up and try to make the kids wishes come true. They know all thats going on and I think they understand I have no income right now. If they don't, they will be disappointed. it will behoove them to understand and then they will be surprised. I picked up Brett early from school because he was "SICK". went home and washed more friggin clothes. vacuumed and Mopped and isn't that special.....? I did it because I can. Then I went shopping.

I found lots of deals and had all these gift cards from last year or last month. I might be able get it done. Not as well as usual but I am learning that it is the thought that counts. IF I think like a 14 year old It will count. Today I will shop as well and bake and make pesto for co workers and maybe paint my nails. They are yellow and look like I smoke from the treatment. and NO my hair in not falling out yet. My tongue is pink and looks brand new. My mouth still tastes metal and milk taste just like grape juice, and soup, and ice cream and paper towels etc.....etc...etc....

Thursday I made it

you know what I did today.. ..I focused. I feel great. I am back and I am alive. I lost all fear. I feel today I am doing this I am 25% finished and I I will finish. I will live a long life and I will live it to the fullest. I took control and I gotta do this because it is my job as a person as a Mom as a caregiver as motivator as a daughter as a sister as a friend and as a cousin.......Oh.
I pressure washed the patioi the deck the tiki hut the windows and the dogs. It took all day after Yoga. 9 am until 8 pm. My mom came and joined me, Dad brought us lunch. We ate under the tiki hut and It was GREAT day.
We have a little bit of money to shop for the kids. Dave doesn't shop so I get to do it all.....I am excited about that.
Heidi Brought me dinner on Monday and I love that. SHe is a great friend a person I aaalways love to sit next to at the movies. I don't remember her coming by because she is thoughtful enough not to come in and infect me with her creepy cold virus. Thats a true frienddddd.

Where am I Wednesday

Ohh I went to the shrink yesterday. My Dr. thought it might be good becasue I took xanax when they told me what the biopsy report read. HHMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm What the F&#* does she think peoples reaction to that type of report will trigger? A orgasm? A overwhelming sense of Joy? Hellooooo. Ok I agreed to go when I was under the influence of the Atavan cocktail they gave me at the first chemo.

She was a nice lady, the Dr. was. SHe asked a lot of questions that sounded like they caame from a book. Like she was comparing my answers to the last bazillion people that have come in. I was answering them and then going off in another direction and then a struggled to remember the origional question and then I would slide back , like I was never lost, as soon as I could recall what she really wanted to know. I was in robot mode my head still throbbed. It was a struggle to get up to the university and then a bigger struggle to walk the LOOONNNNNNGgggg hall way down past the infectious disease door and the storage lab, roundingthe corner past the sterilized soiled laundry....what the heck does that mean????? I found the door in the basement like hallway to nowhere.. So ....I rambled and told her I don't abut things. I bottle them. I store them. I hope they will go away., but I know they won't. But I am always happy and this is not me. I am bubbly and healthy and full of life. I am a mess right now.

She said I have not changed. I am still that way...This won't change me. She can see right through the pain. I liked to hear that and I let her in. I told everything I was thinking feeling and what I have been doing the past 6 years. She is just a Dr. and not a friend. She want s to see me again and doesn't think I need meds. I wanted to hug her when I left but then she is not a friend. She is the Dr. Oh did I say I really Like yoga. if yoga were a girlfriend I'd hug her.

Tuesdayyyyyyyyy

I am thinking I can't do this I need to quit. This is too much and I am not a wimp. How do thosse other Women do it. I saw them go to work each day no problem. I saw them daily take their kids to school and get out of the car to walk them in. I hoped I 'd never be them in a sense but they are amazing and strong and fighting for a bright future. I know I can do this but I am down down down. ok I see no hope that the headache can be delt with without narcotics or crack or anything legal. I am about to call it quits but I remember I have a Messaaage scheduled from My friend Faby. She calls to confirm and I think it might be just what I need. I am hopeful.
I walk in and there is sense of peace Faby gives me. She says I can leave everything outside. I can talk as much or as little as I wish. I can say nothing. All I can do is cry. My head is throbing I slept 2 hours in 3 days. I am so low mentally that there is no way to get up. One thing Faby said that made a light go on and the rope fell into the hole I was in.....She said if I just knew what to expect, It would be easier to deal with. A pattern will develope with each treatment. This was the first week of side effects. Next time you will see a pattern and you will now how to deal with it. Know what will happen and you won't be so stresses about every moment. every hour. every day might suck. I don't know what to expect so I stress. She is right. I can deal with taking the kids to school because they have to be there the same time everyday. I can got to work because I know the address is the same everyday. It all changes inside but I know where and what to expect. It is easier to deal with the headache after a night at happy hour,.....You know your gonna get one.......But when you don't know what will happen day to day except for what you've read and what they have told you....you freak out at every pain and every ache. Anticipating what the doctors have told you will or COULD happen is a prescription for anxiety. That'll give you a headache and ruin your sex life. I don't know where that came from but its funny. I know realize Faby is right. I grab the rope and I am climbing out of the hole. I get my message and I can see the light. I feel a peacful headache now and I gotta go deal with it.
I called the Dr. at midnight. SHe said she was nurse practicioner and can't call in any narcotics. I need to go tot he hospital and get an IV and some good stuff. I just can't even get up and Now I don't need to. I realize that just by her saying that means that this is not a side effect or somthing worse but it is JUST a HEADACHE. My biweekly headache. I suddenly realxed even more. I used Tiger balm on my forehead and my neck. every two hours I got up to use more, knowing that it is just a HEADACHE, I start to relax. I get a call from my Mom in the morning. Wednesday now. Affter researching ever shelf in the local walgreens she finds the Excedrin without Asprin. AH caffine and Acetaminaphine. God Bless her. I gotta take it. I need caffine. I called the Dr. to see if it He wants me to take something else. BUt He doesn't have anyone call me back for (2 days) . So I take the Excedrin Tension. I feel it work..........I am relieved............I start Yoga and I am gonna be ale to do this.

MOnday is gone

I think it is best if I leave Monday as a memory. Tuesday is not good either but I will go there.......

Tyler says her life is Volleyball.......her goals are Volleyball.......

Tyler is my Life...........

Sat and Sunday

Oh Kay... So I was really achy and wanted to be alone. I took the advil like they said but boy it all has side effects...all doable but all there. The Neulasta did have its benefits so far. The aches were all there and not unbearable. The Advil helps. So I just did it. But then my stomache said OH no ...No more...of that pasta sauce....no more garlic, or else THESE CRAPMS WILL CONTINUE and I will cause you to double over and I WILL MAKE NOISE IN PUBLIC... So I listened to my stomache king of the intestine went home to my throne. I am eating soup and it is magicc. I dont know what's in it but it is Just what The Doctor ordered.

Sat. Brett's Fifth grade teacher brought us dinner. He is in 8th grade now. She is some kinda spiritual ANgel. I love her and we have always connected. Wow what a difference friends Make

I stayed Home Sunday I think. with the Advil..

better catch up its Friday

I don't evn know when the last time I wrote was. but....I had a really tough couple of days. My head hurt so bad I thought I was gonna quit this and never think about it again...I always have gotten headaches........I bottle stuff up and unless I am in traffi, in my car, where no one can hear me, no one will ever hear from me that I am angry with them or that they hurt they my feelings or just plain pissed me off. Poor guy in the Hummer gets the full brunt of my bottled up stuff.....so I get the headache, take 2 excedrin and they go away....

But now I can take asprin..so no excedrin so big Headache. 3 days worth. Dr. want to give me a iv and chlorpromazine.. oh yeaa the good stuff.... but I am so not going to a hospital anymore than I have to. so I suffer Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday my Mom says there is an excedrin without asprin......Tension Headache....I take it and BAMMM...it takes 3 doses but the pain is GOne....I am one happy CHemo Camper....oh the dr. finally called me back 2 days later to tell me about this great Brand of Excedrin.....ha.......So I now am 3 days behinf in the house. Kids have NUTHING to wear.....at 7AM.....I feel guilty and get up and wash...all night.....then I pressure wash the patio...the deck and the tiki hut floor.....the whole thing.......I Feel Gooodoodooododdd

I think I was so happy to not have a headache that I felt even better than I should have.

I got a message Tuesday. I saw the SHrink on Wed. Let me tell you about both.

Friday.........I miss Happy HOur

these dates are all mixed up aren't they. Today is the 12th and it is Friday. I slept all day. Yesterday I had an Injection of Neulasta a white blood cell builder. They give it to you to prevent a low white count. I feel like Crap now. I ache all over so I slept all day. I take Advil and it works for a few hours. This is the 4th day after treatment. I overall don't feel as bad as they said I would but it stinks thinking I am full of toxic waste and want it out as fast as possible. I get electric shocks in my hair and my face. no big deal just weird. I kinda feel like I am on a plane all day. not in a storm, just a little turbulance. my tongues messed up cuz I ate pizza last night. acid is a killer. I got a tip on biotene rinse so I'll try it. I like to drink Aloe too...but its gross. It is nice on the stomache though. I am not a complainer so I now have to find something to do during the day as not to loose my mind. I can't go to work until The end of Feb. I can't sit hereeeee writing all day so . What?

Wed. Dec.11.

I am fine . been up since 2 am. I think I passed out at 9 last night so I didn't need to sleep too long. iaam taking meds so I dont feel sick. I am full of energy and ate an egg and cheerios WooHoo. I am going to nap when the kids leave for school. I am gonna go to the gym today cuz I know I can. my next treatment is in 3 weeks. I get neupogen tomorrow and I have a ride, even though I am sure I can do it. OK I will accept help these few weeks because I am trying to take care of myself. i am gonna sleep now and I'll tell you all about he changes I haven't felt yet.

day 1 treatment

7 a.m. With everyone's text messages yesterday before I started, I was able to do it.
It was so Scary But I felt nothing but courage. Sylvester is a classic
informative facility. The nurses counselors and all the staff told me everything
they were doing. By the time the Taxotere and cyctoxin were in I was relaxed and
confindent and it was waay better than Happy Hour sorta. I am up now due to the
steroids and sleep I got from 9pm when I couldn't hold up my head.
I will try to write everyday but I might be out playing tennis or at the
gym...chasing a dogs and cats is evidently a no no and so is Happy Hour.
P.S. this was the hardest decision I have ever had to make being that I could
have chose not to do the chemo and just do Hormone therapy and radiation. My
chances of a non reccuence are 91% because I am doing all three treatments. I
have always been a daredevil but there was no way I would give up the highest
number for selfish reasons. I can do this . It's 12 weeks and if I live to see
my children's children, well then 12 weeks Of missing my job that adore, and
trying to stay germ free and keep up my White and red counts, then I will take
this challenge and try to help someone else that faces the same Decisions about
fighting her BReast Cancer.

highway 4

I cry.
That was 9/24/08

Highway 3

This is my Third Reason.

Now I am waiting for the mamogram When I see this beautiful and familiar face. I think I babysat her kids when I was 14. I ask her her name and I tell her mine. She runs away. Oh she returns with Pictures of her Grandkids. She is a Nurse and now is the Public relations person for the diagnostic center I am waiting in. I thought I would get VIP service now but NOOOO. My boobs get smooshed and flattened out like playdough. I think the CYST is completely missed in the xrays so I show her where it is. she puts a Daisy on it. A Daisy. Then I go to the Ultrasound room and Get some warm gel spread all over my Breasts. OK I said Just tell me its fluid filled. The look on her face isnt filling me with love but rather an OH SHIT feeling os overflowing from the techs face. She says she can't tell me that. I can see it for myself. I look at xrays and ultrasounds all day at the animal clinic where I work. I know exactly what I am looking at. Heat radiates up and down my spine. I want a biopsy now. I can't go home until you biopsy this. They agreed and get the Dr.

It hurt I admit it. I don't care. Now I want it out at this minute. Take em off. all of them. Her lips are moving but Its an echo. The Dr. is telling me about her dog. I now they are trying to divert my attention but all I hear is Blah Blah Blah. The teacher in CHarlie BRown. Then I hear are you OK?

All I can do is shake my head no. And Cry.

That was 09/23/08

highway 2

I went the hospital with abdominal pain. CT says I have a cyst on my left ovary. It burst that night and ultrasound shows two more small ones. NO big deal. Nothing to do but rechecked in a week.
Back to the GYN. Didn't even think about the cyst in my breast. Just a cyst. My Ovaries are fine and my pap smear from the last visit was normal. This was 8/26/08. My Mammogram is scheduled for 9/23/08

highway 1

Ok so I was gonna get a check up/mammogram but I got pregnant again. Then I was tired. I did make an appointment. All Clear and everything normal. Of course why wouldn't it be. I have no history in my family. All the relatives on both sides have lived into their 90's or are still living. I am not going to have anything wrong. I swore I would go again if anything changed or I felt something weird.
Well thank God it did. I had a period that lasted from Aug. 4Th until the 14Th. I felt fine but it scared me enough. I made an appointment with my OB/GYN.
He was happy to see me as I reminded him he delivered all 3 of my children and that he didn't have Grey Hair 15 years ago, 13 years ago, not even 11 years ago. Last check up I had was when my youngest was 3. He politely reminded me that back then I was 40 lbs overweight and that I looked great now.
Well I felt great now and I was just getting my act back together.
May 2007 I realized the couch was more comfortable than my bed for sleeping. I was miserable and needed to be healthy and happy for the sake of my children. I needed to be here to take care of them and they need me, So I started exercising daily and eating a healthy high protein low calorie diet. The weight dropped off so easily I was a new woman. It had been a long time since I felt this good abut myself and it was showing.

Back at the office, I got on the scale I was so proud it said 140 instead of 180. So I go in the exam room and sit in the chair. You know the one! Your naked under the paper and you think someone can see in the window while you wait. Yea so the Dr. comes in, we share sarcastic remarks about each other and he feels me up. I mean the breast exam. He felt a cyst and wants me to have it drained. Everything else is fine and I need a mammogram anyway. I have an appointment on the 9/23/08.