Every ache, Every pain, every non normal tick......makes you wonder...my body is still out of wack...I wonder if I am gonna be here ....I get scared and want my life back. I used to plan the future..now I plan the future and pray that I am still gonna be a part of it.
I will fight anything else I am faced with but carefree is gone....A worry is always in the back of my head....when I pay for Tyler's Volleyball for the summer...When I ask about the kids future plans..........when I think about losing the weight from chemo.....
..I want the chance to be me again....fear of the unknown sucks.......I know that no one has a guarantee but if I had this once....will it come back? is it somewhere else?...aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh.
I try to be my bubbly self..but inside I am on fire......sometimes....not always....
I will just try too take the best care I can.....of myself. exercise, healthy diet, stress relief.......
Radiation is 4 more weeks.....My White count is up and down and some days I feel great and some I feel poopie...lethargic and drab. so I sit down and try to take it easy and then ...everyone wonders why the floor isn't mopped...or why Mom isn't doing the dishes....the clothes...the floor,,,,,the patio....the grass...the pool.....the fryer........the blah blah blah...well its not always gonna get done...........the kids know it and help out...thank you kids especially Tyler. She is very cool. I am naive..NOT.
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