Stuck in the Bubble.

Brett Asa and Tyler

Cathy and Jerry

Craig and I

Brett bad Papaw

BRett and Evan

I am stuck in the bubble. I can't go near people or crowds or anywhere I can catch something, although I do believe I could get some sort of virus in the laundry room. I have clean everything. all the clothes, all the blankets, all the sheets, all the rugs, all the towels. So now what?
HEy Randy where's my text today? you must be fishing.
Brett's Birthday was fun at the sportsgrill. The family was there. It was good to be out and see old friends. BRett had fun and won all the little girls in the place a stuffed animal from the machine. Kyle won half the girls a toy too.
ITs funny to see the looks I get in the place. God, and 2 other people, only knows what they are thinking and what they have been told. I don't really care.

What day is it? Friday. I.... yea... I dont like this feeling

I think I feel better but I am never sure. Things change so rapidly. My throat hurts one minute my esphogus hurts the next then its all gone. Then it comes back like strep. It hurts. Don't think it was this bad last time? Bread feels like sandpaper going down. and hurts for hours after. I wonder what my stomache lining looks like. I wonder what my esophagus looks like. I wonder what my cells are doing. I wonder what my body thinks I am doing to it. I can't lay down anymore. I don't really want to get up though. Am I going crazy? My house is a mess. The dishes are piled up in the sink. The kids are getting their bowls and plates and utensils out of the dishwasher. No one complains. God Bless them. The orchids are all hanging in the livingroom because of the frost warning. There is a lizard boarding under the couch. HE is outta here when the weather gets warm today. I am gonna blog this and finish it later. I am boiling some eggs. I think that will go down smoothe. I maybe need my smoothie. Tyler always takes me to get a smoothie. AFter school. I will get her to take me. UG I hate to complain. This time I need to.

Tuesday Treatment # 3

I am real tired this time. I slept 15 hours from 9:30 until today sometime.

I am trying to be positive that nothing will go cattywampus this time but I have a sore throat a bit today.

Drink lots of water they say and don't take vitamin c. I want to post pictures cus I don't feel like typing anymore today.

Karen brought dinner Monday night and we will eat that again tonight. it is yummy stew with carrots and potatoes. and a Great salad. It helps so much. Thanks

Linda Warner stayed with me all day and Kara came to make sure they gave the right, corrected, doses of drugs. I was loopy from the added benadryl and the other narcotics they blast me with.

I like it. for now.

I have a new boytoy! (The IV POLE is tall dark and Mysterious) I will love him for 6 more weeks. Then I will politely say goodbye. He can't kiss at ALL.

Weekend results

The girls played well but the division they in is a bit over their head. They were at the top of the last division so the coach decided to try the next one up. They won two games out of too many. it was good for them to see what they are up against. Try harder this weekend in lauderdale I think. I will not go but she has other Moms there.

MaryAnne and Mike were in Orlando ironically, for a Veterinary Convention so we hooked up a couple times. I was glad they were there and it was fun to have them come see Tyler play.

I felt a sort of comfort in having them so close too. Knowing MAryANne could break away from Galaga at a moments notice to get to me was way kool.

We had lunch and then went to the games and obviously had drinks (they Did), I had bitters and soda to calm my stomache. it was bothering me from all the antihistamines last week.

HEy FishnFaN this is for you

This is my HOmeee J
JimBo

Thats my Tina

Sat. Sun. Monday

Tyler and I are going to Orlando for a Volleyball tournament. http://miamielite.net/

She is coaching 11 year old to pay her way. She will look for sponsors also.

Her JV team ended up with First Place. Her goal is a UM scholarship. She is so incredible as far as her drive and her academics. And her support through this give me the most courage of all. Just do it Mom-Forget the hair...it will grow back. Geeze! She is the COolest. So we will be back Monday night.

I have My phone back and text messages are encouraged. especially dirty nasty ones. LOL

Friday

Harry Made a Pink Warrior!

I am A Pink Warrior! http://www.fordvehicles.com/warriorsinpink/quilt/

I am amazed by my Children and my Friends. I am learning so much. I see things so clearly. My spirit is awakening, my soul is grounded.



You are amazing

You make a difference

You have a spirit

you have a soul

You choose what you do with it

BE Amazing

Make a Difference

I choose to Waltz through life not just walk.

I choose to sail through turmoil never stopping to wallow.

I choose to share my smile when a stranger loses theirs.

I choose to cry in silence and never bring you down.

I choose to rise above ignorance, gossip and evil

I choose to be better than they say I am.

I know who I am.

I know what I can do.

I know I can make a difference.

I know you can too.

Today I caught up

My mom came at the crack of dawn (JK it was 8:45) and we went to Sylvester. The Doctors all concur. I will no longer get Neulasta. whew! MY Mom is relieved. Kara wasn't gonna let em give it to me. She is great. I showed the Nurse Practitioner the pictures of the hives. All of them. She believed me. She got the Dr. Gluck and he is so sweet, when you can see him. They decided

1. no more Neulasta


2. Benadryl before the Taxotere and Cytoxin


3. higher dose of Dexamethasone pre med


4. longer infusion time of the Taxotere


5. stay away from crowds and wash hands and rinse mouth for 12 days after the chemo.

I can do this. Dr. G says I am so close to being done. in less than 6 weeks I am finished. Just be careful for those days after. I think I will go stay at a sterile Hotel. with a big bathtub. Then life will be good again.

It is still good today just a bit rocky.

Speaking of ROCKY....She gave me a scarf..They have the coolest store and Wow are they special .. . http://www.fivesisters.biz/

wait till you see what harry did....

Wed. The jokes on me

ok enough happens here to stay busy without a job. I am talking to Tina on the phone and doing the dishes at the same time...(Raw talent). I turn off the water but it still running....out the cabinet below. Oh GReat. LOL. Tina assures me its just a hose. SO I hang up and do what any real woman would do...NO not called Jimbo, I got the flash light and I found the leak and I took the part off went to the hardware store. of course they don't have it and I have to go to the plumbing supply store where I bought the overpriced, way to fancy, "Grohe" fawcet. Whatever I did it so deal with it. They had one. $$$$48.00 WHAT? even the plumbers in the shop were stunned at the price. Shoot. Shoulda bought a Kohler.

Then I realized I have to get the blood drawn. I don't have an appointment. I "walk in" they say we are "welcome". LOL . ok then. I cleaned my purse and waited my turn. Everyone has the same story. "How long will it be? I am fasting and I am borderline hypoglycemic can you get me in soon? it won't be long right"? OMG. I am living a comedy session for the writers of the Blue Collar Comedy dudes. I love it. I just laugh. The way Dave laughed when he accidently saw my alopecia and my hives at the same time in the sunlight on the patio when I had to unclog the pool skimmer and he came home unexpectly. My Mom couldn't of warned me he was here?
oh yea I still itch but very small ares.

Tuesday two weeks after the 2nd treatment

My computer power source is dead. The desktop has 700 viruses.....So I put all the christmas stuff in the shed. neatly. I think it is Wed. and I am confused all day. Whatever. I have to go to the Dr. on Thursday. I have to have a blood test Wed. The Doctors may push back my treatment. I don't want a delay. I wanna be done.

I still itch small places and it hops around. I see other woman that have the same symptoms on the different disscussion groups but I don't know if they had Neulasta or not or if they took Advil or blah blah blah.....I am tired of talking about my woes...itchy as they may be.. they must go away now...after I scratch......
Uh So I what...I can't go anywhere, everyone is working like normal folks do....I don't want to mop the floor anymore, the tiles are losing color, I hate soap operas. I LIke to eat so I do. Just a little of EVERYTHING, and Everyone brings such great dinners.
I gotta go for a jog. I am back. I love to listen to the music and push myself. I thought I would take it easy, but then I said to my self WHAT? Why. I went for it. I am fine. My feet are good now. Especially with socks and shoes on.

I slept 3 days

I didn't get out of bed for two days except for Thursday for about 1 exciting hour. 8:oo am......the 160 lb mastiff is at the back door looking in. I sent the boys off to school and turned around to fall back in bed. Brutus is still at the backdoor but he is looking very puzzled. NOT at me no.....he is looking to the west on the patio as if he sees a ghost and is willing to pounce on it but it looks dangerous. His stare is so odd that I must see what he is looking at. I look out the door and there on the patio is Ford.

This is a FORD.

(HE has a heart Murmur, had Pneumonia as a pup, has demadex, skin allergies, a bad bite and now Seizures?)

Ford is Seizing? I run to his side and he sees me. He is stiff and standing there but coherant. His front feet stretched stiff out to the front like a paso fino horse steping in rhythmn. I am trained to stay calm in this situation and I just thought oh great he seizures too poor thing. Now what. I have Valium- I have Atarax....ha I have .....anyway, I lay him down and he is relieved to see me. He relaxes And I talk to him but he can not lift his head. His gums (MM) are completely WHITE...Egg shell white........Simon Cowell's teeth White....Not good. I grab the phone and call 911...no...I called Linda P. She is on the way to the clinic and had just text'd. She comes by and grabs him and we put him in a crate in her Truck. Thank God she was right there. I couldn't drive and I didn't know my mom was on the way to my house. She didn't want me alone at all just in case. Linda P takes off.

I get a phone call a few pills later and Dr. Block is looking at Ford, wondering what his pedigree really is...(the original owner's where duped). Ford is now fine and let Linda know what he is best at in her car on the ride over...no not a good trick but a manly trick he learned from ? Brett maybe? his Flatulence is a powerful tool. Anyway....(Sorry),.....Dr. Block and Cristina think I am crazy and can't see a thing..He looks great and his happy.....ut oh.....His Lip is swollen OMG... Cristina opened his mouth and low and behold.........Linda calls me to see if there is a Power Cord on the Patio with Teeth marks on it.

GEEZ. There it is... the plug for the ice Maker is half way out of the socket and it's wet. HE got Zapped...Brutus musta watched him Light up. Poor baby and Ford too. Only this could happen at this house.

LOL . I just went back to sleep for 24 hours more.

There are two Great Lindas I work with. Linda P, who is Dr. Block's Assistant and Linda W. Who I have worked with for 12 years now and if we win the lottery......we will live next door to each other ina different country. Friday My Linda Warner came over with a orchid. She kicked off her crocs and hopped into bed with me, don't be jealous, and we had a great girl chat. I was half asleep but remember talking about watching the Gators play ball the night before and win the Orange Bowl and I remember Hearing Danny Ponce's name andVoice on TV . (Linda was a Gator). We talked about the game and You. It was so great having her comfortable enough to jump on in. I still see her little 5 foot body in my king size bed. she looked like a little Edith Anne. I think it made me start to get over this. it took until today but I Knew I could get rid of this.

Sunday

Sunday evening and I am itchy but nothing like the week. I still think it is the Neulasta. The pharmacist agrees, not so sure the Dr. will.

I feel like I can.t take a full breath. Oh great....Is this in my head or is it real. Shoot I take more Atarax. control my breathing and go pick up Tyler. By the time I get to her I can take a deep breath. I am fine. I know I can have another reaction anytime now and if I stop the antihistamine too soon, I could get in trouble. Believe it or not....I hate taking drugs, any kind, I am not happy.

I have no hair Huge hives, bad lips and big fat feet. WHo am I...I still can make you laugh.

and I am going to be healthy in less than 6 weeks.

Thursday Friday Saturday..................look if you dare

This is half the initial swelling on my hip.

and after further review....No more pictures are gonna be posted of these hive because it is too

GROSS to look at. My feet where not yet fully reacting in this picture...it got worse. Fred Flinstone had thinner sexier feet than me the next day. Sunday I woke up with speratic bouts on my hip ( small areas) hopped over my body wherever they felt like being. they stayed 30 mins. or so then moved on..

Wednesday

Ok so I buckled and Mom came running. I woke up and felt my face. My hands are huge....My face fits in them. I don't even want to see. My entire thigh is covered in hives and itches like the fleas of a thousand camels parked there set up camp. It spreads from my head to my arms to my neck to my legs to my abdomen to my feet and back up the other side. My left side seems to be effected first. As the day passes, it soes to the right. I am taking Benedryl and it is not touching this. I itch and stay in the tub full of Aveeno for most of the day off and on. The Dr. has no explanation. She says it can not be the CHEmo drugs 8 days past. TheNeulasta was definately working, I felt it last night. Like contractions, spitting out little white cells from bone that has no exit. I think it is from that. I ate nothing different, it could be Advil but I am not taking that again either. Maybe when this is done I will try but nooooo not now.
So she says I have to see my regular PRactitioner. HUH Do I have one? I have not ben sick in forever....you are my regular physician no? I went to the ER. they won't touch me. I look like a homeless hairless chigger bit bag lady on crack. I can't stay still it itches. I can't shut up the histamines are cranking. My skin is on fire but I have no fever. My white count is 59.9 should be 3.5 - 10.9 OK no steroids....MOre benadryl but Atarax...its a stronger version. I wait 30 min. IT isnt doing squat. I am trying so hard to get rid of the itch by mental antihistamine therapy. I need to get out of that hospital where all the sick people are. I am not sick and can't be in there. My BRother speeds things up from the direction of his wife. SHe says get her outta there...and he kindly did. The Dr. there spoke to an ocologist and they said no steroids....just Atarax and a cold shower. I am used to that so off e went. I think it was 10 or so when I got the meds. and got to the house. I took too many too often and ..........................took a shower for 3 days....

Tuesday Gone BAD

Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday...so poetic you were....What went wrong? ok where do you want me to start.....?
Chest pain? Ok I can handle that...ADvil works.......Neulasta causes it.
But at 11 or so PM. My gawd, my lips are so full.......so not even....so SWOLLEN! ok ....I took benedryl and went to sleep.
HAHAHA what a cruel trick I was a victim of. MOM! I need you.

Tuesdayyyyyyyyy

OMG today is a good day. I slept late. Woke up without any discomfort. I didn't have to take anything but breakfast. I took it easy, took a shower and went to Faby's for a message. She was amazing again and I was there a long time. She is another one of my Angels. I felt so relaxed, so good, I thought I was floating on clouds when I was walking home. Now its late and I am gonna go to sleep but my chest is hurting again. It feels like a Big burp is stuck in the middle of my chest. I took Advil but it worked for about a minute. The pressure stops and then starts again. Maybe if I go to sleep it will be gone in the morning? Lets hope so. I have no more pictures to post today. Maybe tomorrow.

Monday

ok Monday its back to the norm.......The kids got up and went to school. I got up and did laundry made lunches and get the kids out the door. Went back to sleep about 1 and ran around the rest of the day. I still taste metal and feel down but it is better than the weekend. The chest pain stopped with Advil. I started the day with the Excedrin Tension and ended it with the Advil. Oh well. ANd mY head itches so bad....I know its a side effect, i dont understand, but it is awful. cold water stops it temorarily.

Sat. and SUnday

Beach houses, stair cases and an unidentifiable children in hats at the beach are Art a pure sense.

Sister in laws are a gift from God.

Saturday and Sunday were very bad and I would like to skip the memory except someone might need to know what to expect so.......I had to take Excedrin Tension everyday. My head hurt every morning. Sleep was interrupted often. Muscles are aching joints are inflamed and I am moving around to maskthe discomfort. I have to grocery shop. School starts back Monday. I can't do it Sat. Sunday I did. I am grumpy and everything/one aggravates me. I feel like I already wrote all this. OK and By the way...I DON"T DO COMPLAINING WELL. I love to laugh and this is so not me. I can always see the glass half full.....even now..........so I will say its all discomfort. Nothing is so bad that you can't do it. If you have to.

So Sunday night,,,, this is important.......The Neulasta started working AT Walgreens........My hips buckled. The pain and pressure is like sciatica. Like the worst flu ever. Then when you think it is over.....The chest pain starts. OK that feel like a contraction in your sternum. It's wild. it starts and then stops.....30 seconds and then 1 or two minutes later..here's another. White cells must be shooting out everywhere. millions at a time I guess. I wish they did a blood test weekly. My white count must plummet and then shoot way back up during this process.

Friday

I feel like garbage. I don't want to get out of bed. Everything hurts. My head, my skin, my breath. I can't write...........I feel better when the Sun goes down. I will go to Stewart and Michelles party tonight and try.......I will take pictures and go home. Hope no one hugs me. it will be painful.

ok after the party update. I got hugged....it hurt how strange, really physically hurt. but I did laugh and joke and EAT. Tomorrow I will be sorry. It was nice to see the neighbors

Happy New year

Brett and Kendall enjoy the chilly h2o.
Brett is a Dolphin

Kendall is a Mermaid

SHe buried her cousin too

I am just here today. Nothing worries me. Nothing is bad. I have it in me and I can't get it out. its doing its thing. So I go with the flow. We went to the beach. Brett Gave me the Neulasta shot and off we went. It's a beautiful day. Sunny and Clear. Kara looks hot in her Bikini...I gotta keep my clothes on I think because the sun enhances the effects of the chemo so I don't think I need it to work any better than it already does. The group behind us is partying big. A older woman with some party experience and a group of what seems to be college students. Grama lights up a good one and passes it around. I try inhaling from a distance since its legal for me.

The kids stayed in the water the entire time we were there. The water is so blue and turquoise. It clear and relaxing.

I even went to the mall and exchanged a dress, got a tea at Wendy's and then went home to crash. My Hair

oh yea in case you were wondering

it looks like Sh&% and I am very self consious and I laugh.......when I get out of the shower I hate to look in the mirror. I have not shaved my head. I like to think I might not lose it all. HAHA It looks so friggin bad but when I put a hat on, it still hangs an inch 9out of the bottom. That to me, looks a little better than nothing. I guess I just don't want anyone to look at me and think I am sick. I think I am in the process of curing this and that is what I want to keep thinking. I tried the wig on but BRett said I should just WEAR A HAt. I guess it looks better to him. Kinky Kyle says the wig is SThexy MAma. I love my kids. Tyler just chuckles when I slip off my hat. I have eyelashes and brows still.........

wednesday was ok

I am dizzy and feel a mess. My eyes twitch and feel I can something happening but I have no idea what it is. It's cellular and I have no way of seeing it. so I push on. My Rick, Brother and Kara my Sister in law came over to celebrate The New Year. Kendall, my 9 year old neice, wants to jump in the ice cold pool at midnight. My Boys said ok.....Tyler is in the keys with her freind Boy Asa and him family. The fireworks guy came by and the BOYS got fire power......the neighbors did too...Rick got the big guns.

Welcome 2009 -the Girl jumps in the boys chicken out.........

the video won't play

Tuesday pictures

The Nurse Roxana...A great RN and right there for the Reaction.

Lory Sue as Mary call me and Tracy too.....Really I don't look this bad its the

lighting

Steroids

more Drugs

My Sister in Law Kara

My Girl Mary Anne Soon to be Williams