Saturday, December 20, 2008


I am thinking I can't do this I need to quit. This is too much and I am not a wimp. How do thosse other Women do it. I saw them go to work each day no problem. I saw them daily take their kids to school and get out of the car to walk them in. I hoped I 'd never be them in a sense but they are amazing and strong and fighting for a bright future. I know I can do this but I am down down down. ok I see no hope that the headache can be delt with without narcotics or crack or anything legal. I am about to call it quits but I remember I have a Messaaage scheduled from My friend Faby. She calls to confirm and I think it might be just what I need. I am hopeful.
I walk in and there is sense of peace Faby gives me. She says I can leave everything outside. I can talk as much or as little as I wish. I can say nothing. All I can do is cry. My head is throbing I slept 2 hours in 3 days. I am so low mentally that there is no way to get up. One thing Faby said that made a light go on and the rope fell into the hole I was in.....She said if I just knew what to expect, It would be easier to deal with. A pattern will develope with each treatment. This was the first week of side effects. Next time you will see a pattern and you will now how to deal with it. Know what will happen and you won't be so stresses about every moment. every hour. every day might suck. I don't know what to expect so I stress. She is right. I can deal with taking the kids to school because they have to be there the same time everyday. I can got to work because I know the address is the same everyday. It all changes inside but I know where and what to expect. It is easier to deal with the headache after a night at happy hour,.....You know your gonna get one.......But when you don't know what will happen day to day except for what you've read and what they have told freak out at every pain and every ache. Anticipating what the doctors have told you will or COULD happen is a prescription for anxiety. That'll give you a headache and ruin your sex life. I don't know where that came from but its funny. I know realize Faby is right. I grab the rope and I am climbing out of the hole. I get my message and I can see the light. I feel a peacful headache now and I gotta go deal with it.
I called the Dr. at midnight. SHe said she was nurse practicioner and can't call in any narcotics. I need to go tot he hospital and get an IV and some good stuff. I just can't even get up and Now I don't need to. I realize that just by her saying that means that this is not a side effect or somthing worse but it is JUST a HEADACHE. My biweekly headache. I suddenly realxed even more. I used Tiger balm on my forehead and my neck. every two hours I got up to use more, knowing that it is just a HEADACHE, I start to relax. I get a call from my Mom in the morning. Wednesday now. Affter researching ever shelf in the local walgreens she finds the Excedrin without Asprin. AH caffine and Acetaminaphine. God Bless her. I gotta take it. I need caffine. I called the Dr. to see if it He wants me to take something else. BUt He doesn't have anyone call me back for (2 days) . So I take the Excedrin Tension. I feel it work..........I am relieved............I start Yoga and I am gonna be ale to do this.